The Inner Voice Of A 17 Year Old

bigstock_mother_warn_her_daughter_for_b_26167676Parents have high expectations from their kids. They want them to achieve great heights. And that is one of the biggest reasons for their nagging. But they don’t understand that they unknowingly turn those high expectations in to high hurdles. They tell you to get good grades to get into a good college to earn a high-end salary job. They ask you, “What you want from life?” I don’t know what I want for dinner let alone life! When you get low grades they yell at you asking, “How are you going to be anything with these grades?” Well I will be just be a good human being and isn’t that what we all should aim for? Because all the materialistic things like money, status and power diminish to nothing and only your deeds, good and bad remain. We came with nothing and we leave with nothing except the memories of our life that our choices shaped. It is my life and I will be the one to decide what to do and what not to do with it. Even if I regret my choices later, I will deal with it because they will be my choices rather than wondering my whole life what would have been if I had done what I wanted. But it doesn’t mean I want you to neglect me completely. We all need that little push every once in a while that you provide unconditionally. But you don’t have to be a train wreck all the time. So to all the parents out there, just believe and motivate us, we will try our best and give our utmost efforts because nobody wants to be a failure. Have faith, we will do something worthwhile with our lives.

Fear Of Fears

conquering-fear

I fear I’ll never know my purpose in life. To live a pointless and a worthless life. Never to find my destiny in life. My fear is not dying but living a life with no destination.

I fear I’ll never be able to experience my Great Perhaps. Never to know my role in the greatest play of all. Never to go on an adventure and find myself, my true self.

I fear I’ll never know what I truly want in life. To chase all the wrong dreams and let the right ones pass by. To live a life full of regret. To be unable to follow the omens to my buried treasure.

I fear I’ll never find the moment. The moment of pure happiness. The moment when all your worries fade away. The moment as Stephen Chbosky explained, the moment you feel infinite.

I fear I’ll never be a grateful kid for my mother. Always a disappointment, always a failure. A weak worrisome child. Never to fulfill her aspirations, never to end her apprehensions.

I fear I’ll never face my fears. All I will ever do is fear and make all these fears sincere. I fear my fears.

Our First Photograph

polaroid-backsOpening the box in the attic under a layer of dust. The box of lost memories where all the magic happened. All those childhood stories come rushing back. Some a little vague and some crystal clear. Every object has its own significance, its own sentiment. Some good and some bad but all life altering. From the scribbling on a paper titled ‘a scenery’ to the friendship band, every item holds a special place in my heart. Remembering all those sweet moments, I come across this old photograph of me with an embarrassed face and my best friend Kara as always smiling. I think we were in 5th grade. I remember that day very well.

It was my first day at a new school after we shifted. I was so nervous that I didn’t get much sleep the night before. I am very a shy and reserved person so its difficult for me to make friends. I don’t easily blend with new people. So when I got to school, I had a hard time finding the right class and when I did it was very awkward. Everybody started staring at me like I was an alien and I got conscious and tripped and ultimately fell to a bad day. All the kids laughed at me and made fun of me until the teacher entered. After introducing me she started teaching none other the worst subject – Maths. As she droned on and on about fractions, I felt more and more sleepy. I don’t even remember closing my eyes when i suddenly woke up by someone yelling, “Oh, look here we have another one. Someone please wake her UP !” I instantly sat up straight and with sleepy eyes saw a girl standing beside me not caring about the attention we were receiving. “I know how you are” teacher said pointing at the other girl,”but the new kid looked sincere. Both of you to the corner now!” She said pointing at a corner in front of the class. As we went there the teacher pulled out a Polaroid camera,”Now for the wall of shame.”and clicked our photograph rolling her eyes at the other girl smiling in it and put it up on the bulletin board titled ‘Wall of Shame’. Apparently all the kids sent to the corner had their photos clicked and put up there. Later when the teacher resumed teaching and we were stuck in the corner the other girl whispered,”How can other kids not sleep while she is teaching? By the way, I am Kara, and its a pleasure to meet someone normal in this school.” And we have been inseparable ever since. I met Kara on that insufferable morning who made the rest of the day bearable. Later we sneaked that photo, our first photograph together of thousands more to come.

If I had to pick a friend on that day I definitely wouldn’t have picked Kara as she and I are very different and she has a very badass personality unlike me. So I am glad that you don’t get to pick your friends because they eventually find you!